Another "Conversation"

I have been doing Vicki Courtney's bible study, "5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter." While week 3 was mostly talking about boys and sex, and as much as I want to get an early start on my conversations with Kayla on those topics, I feel like 17 months still may be a little young right now. However, week 4 touched my heart so deeply. The topic? It's ok to dream about marriage and motherhood.

I think we can all agree the sanctity of marriage is going downhill. No I am not talking about who can marry who...another battle, another time. The real issue here is divorce, I believe now the statistic is that 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce!! That's a 50% chance. How can we have any hope for marriage going in with that statistic? I don't want to become another statistic...even more I won't. Before even marrying Dee, we knew this was a promise to each other and to God that we are staying together through the good times and especially the bad. We agreed that divorce will never be on the table for us. What prompted this "No Divorce Ever" attitude?? Simple, our pasts. I came from divorced parents. I know how it feels knowing your parents are arguing every day, even the 1st time they separated when I was 6. I have vivid memories of leaving my dad and moving in with my grandma. Then later at a teenager's crucial time of leaving middle school and heading to high school, the separated for good. This has affected me majorly. In a way, I feel like I wouldn't have become a teen age mother. I can't say that for sure, but who knows. In Dee's case, his mom had divorced from her husband and was not with Dee's dad. He knew what it was like growing up in a single mother home (single mother doesn't really describe it really, he had his grandma and aunts and uncles, but no dad). We wanted better for our children, as I'm sure all parents do. I don't want to put my kids through divorce. End of story. Dee and I have promised to work on our marriage every day to help prevent it falling apart and veering towards the most common reasons couples get divorced, like infidelity, fighting, abuse, irreconcilable differences (whatever that means?). We want to provide our kids the best model we can of how a marriage is suppose to be.

Another point Vicki makes...shacking up ruins marriages. Even though I "shacked up" (I hate that phrase) I will have to agree. I know more and more couples who do it, as a trial bases. Even though I love Dee and I love the time we had together living together, I wish we hadn't...or at least not as long, I think we lived together for almost 4 years before getting married! We got too comfortable together. And when our wedding came, nothing changed. There was no exciting honeymoon time of moving in and first living together b/c we were husband and wife...that kind of already happened, just not as special. Getting married was a big deal for us...but in the scheme of things, it was like normal day, WEDDING!, then normal day. No exciting transition.

Finally...the lie of the "Supermom." You know this one...the one where we (as moms) can have it all, the hubby, the kids, the house, the 40 hour work week, and you do it all with ease and with a smile on your face. I tell you what. I'm all for women's rights, but instead of bogging us down with the kids and housework and a 40 hour job, why not pass some of this responsibility to the dad?? Well, in my household I do. I feel so pulled in every direction. If I succeed in one area then the others areas of my life start going downhill. For instance, while I was pregnant I worked a lot to get stuff done for my boss. I was churning out data, staying late, coming in early, but my home life was a disaster. I had a husband freaking out over pregnant Liz and a son doing terrible with his behavior at school. Then when I spend more time at home and try to pick up that mess, I get fussed at by the boss. Seriously?? I can't do everything. Some stuff has to fall some where. And right now everything across the board is mediocre. I could be doing better at home, but I also could be doing better at work. Lucky for me I have a new boss where his motto is "Family Comes First," thank God I work for a pediatrician with his own family!!

There are so many culture lies I want to break for Kayla when it comes to marriage and motherhood. I want to bring the positiveness out of both and have her looking forward to the day she marries the man of her dreams and has wonderful kids and is a wonderful mom (preferably in that order!). She should hope and expect to be with her husband forever and no less. It's ok not to break the glass ceiling. It may work for some women, but for others it is ruining their lives!

♥Liz